• Kevin Douglas

Quarantined for Christmas

Hi! This year, I want to challenge myself. I've gotten out of the habit of writing, I've grappled with a lot of mental health issues, and I have not held myself accountable for many things I used to strive for. I want to change that, and I intend to.

I want to actually use this website, and I want to get back into the creative habit. So I am challenging myself to create something every day. That might be a short story, a journal entry, a section of a longer script/project, or even an episode of my podcast, Spellcheck: Spelling Bee.

It's Christmas Day, and I'm spending most of the day alone. I tested positive for COVID-19 on Sunday the 19th (just before my plans to get the Booster, too!), and I had moderate symptoms for about 3 days. At this point I feel pretty much totally recovered, aside from some congestion. I am feeling optimistic and motivated to start the New Year on the right foot, and I hope this will be a meaningful part of that journey.

This has probably been the hardest year of my life, but I am trying not to take for granted all the things I am privileged to have. I work jobs that I like, I have a home I am comfortable in, a roommate who is my best friend. I make enough money to splurge on non-necessities, like trips to the movies and a personal website I rarely think about. I live near family who always make me laugh and lift me up. I have insurance that allows me to take medications that help with my physical and mental roadblocks.

I hope these don't come off as brags. If anyone else struggles with depression, you know how hard it is to see the good things we have in our lives. Just getting out of bed feels impossible most days. And in this COVID-world, which only seems to get worse, it just seems impossible and futile to try and plan for the future.

We don't have control over much, but we can do our best to take the reins on our own lives and steer ourselves in the direction of something meaningful. I'm still not sure what "something meaningful" is for me, but I know it's not what I was doing yesterday, and the day before, and the day before. And it probably isn't what I'll be doing tomorrow, if I crash and neglect posting to this silly little blog because really, what is the point?

Maybe nothing has a point, intrinsically. But we give things a point by believing in them.

Actually, I think connections have a point, intrinsically. For me, at least. When I'm at my worst, staring into the void, it is being around others that makes me forget how bad I feel. Maybe it's just a distraction — maybe it's my own form of religion — but everything feels worse when I'm alone, and everything feels better when I'm not.

Thanks for reading and keeping up on this journey... whatever it is. If you don't celebrate Christmas, I hope you're still enjoying some form of togetherness with the people you love.

PS, I think "Quarantined for Christmas" sounds like a great title for a cheesy Hallmark movie. Nobody steal that, okay? (I guess they've probably already made 5 with that premise...)

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Pssst. Don't freak out -- everything is okay! I figured it's been long enough, and I'm not quite tired enough to sleep, so I'm writing these things down to manifest them/to hold myself accountable: I